Since I made a pact to be 100% honest with you from the beginning, I'm not going to sugar coat this:
I've been hating life right now.
I honestly am.
I hate that I don't get to stay at home with Emma to be there for the milestones.
I hate that Tyler gets to be the one to stay at home with Emma while he's on Summer break.
I hate my body right now.
I hate our ward.
I hate my mental health issues, it makes me feel broken.
I hate that I don't have time really for a social life (or that I'm socially ridiculous about 90% of the time)
I hate that my Dad's not here.
Or that my Mom made the choices she made to not be around in my life. (and I hate that every hour at church I get asked how my Mom is doing... gotta love being in the ward you were born into.)
Now that I haven't sugar coated that and I laid it all out for all to see, I will tell you I have had the worst time keeping said "hates" under control in the last few months. I usually have a sunny disposition, and try to not be negative unless my husband has a listening ear to allow me to vent. However it has been extremely hard for me to keep it under control.
So how do I keep my attitude under control? How do I resolve these "hates" I'm having?
I realize which ones are in the circle of my control, and which ones I don't have control over.
If I slowly pick away at this list and I categorize them, I realize that I ultimately have control over the majority of these things. It's just up to me to change how I react to them.
Let me say that again in case you didn't read what I was saying:
I ultimately have control over the majority of these things, it's just up to me to change how I react to them.
Sean Covey would be so proud of me for that statement. You don't have control of what the world will do to you, or the trials that are thrown your way. The ONLY thing you have control over is your reaction and your attitude.
What are the many attitudes one could have about the things outside of your circle of control?
Sadness? Yeah, but do you really want to be one of those people who is sad ALL the time? didn't think so.
Angry? Anger is a useful emotion, but only for so long, it won't get you very far.
How about happiness?
I'm going with that one!
What are the many types of happiness, both the good and bad kind, that currently exist? There's a lot to name however I will name a few:
1. Feeding off of happiness of others/what others think of you and worrying about others happiness over yours
2. Finding happiness in the everyday life
3. Happiness for being you
I have a problem of worrying about others over me consistently. I've always been that way, and sometimes it's a good thing (like what's catapulted into a great career in customer service). Sometimes it's a bad thing, like when I focus on other's happiness as a way to mask my own sorrows. I caution everyone to take a step back and don't put your happiness second base to others. Not only will this lead down a destructive path for yourself, it will also repress emotions that do not need to be repressed. Also, don't worry about what others think about you, honestly. Don't worry about it. It takes just the same amount of energy to try and lift an elephant as it does to consistently worry about what others think about you.
**Now, I'm not saying to not serve anyone. Just make sure to take care of yourself okay?
YOU CAN BE HAPPY JUST BEING YOU!
I promise you can be. It's hard to try and find happiness in the small victories or during a really hard and long trial. Eventually you will though, and then you truly will be happy.
Life will throw lemons your way, and sometimes it feels like life is throwing nothing but lemons your way, and at you too. However, what will you choose when those times happen? Choose to be happy? I'm choosing that.
So get out of your funk, open up those blinds and the window, and let the sunlight in. While you can't control what life brings you, you can control your attitude.
My attitude today: Happiness.