Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Fitting In

**Warning: This post is full of awkward/funny photos of me and a lot of my friends from high school**

I've moved 15 times in my lifetime. I have lived in 4 different states, 15 different homes, and 15 different wards. The biggest thing I hated was feeling like I was losing friends I had. I had a lot of really great friends in elementary school, some I'm still in touch with today. Then, I was home schooled all through middle school. Talk about cutting off your friend supply. It was both a good and a bad thing. I really got to know people in the ward, and did some self discovery that is normally associated with a lot of peer pressure and feeling out of place for girls that age.

Then just as I started to feel like I was fitting in with people in our ward, we would move. This continued until I was the one to move out to Utah after I graduated high school. I realized that a friendship is only as good as much as both sides are willing to work on. I have so many friends great friends from high school that I stay in touch with, not nearly as often as I'd like, but we talk at least once a quarter, and we seem to pick up right where we left off.

It was the hardest thing for me to leave that safe place, and move out to Utah. Knowing I had all those people to back me up and would be there for me at a moment's notice in Florida was almost like a security blanket. Well I moved, and since then (6 years now) it's been extremely hard for me to make and keep friends. I still keep in touch with a lot of my friends from high school, especially since so many of them live out here now. I have a few really great friends I've made since I've lived out here in Utah, but I feel like I just don't fit the mold of what people expect me to be.

I grew up in an interesting home, the youngest of 6 siblings, but really treated like the middle child of 3 to an older set of parents. I have witnessed and lived through a lot, people passing, weddings, different cultural events (Indian weddings, etc.) watching people gain a testimony of the gospel, witnessing people lose their testimonies, a divorce, financial struggles, etc. this list could go on. I went from being the only LDS girl in high school to it being normal and okay for me to talk about temple marriages, and what my calling is with my co workers and at school. I'm not used to it, still. It's not my normal, nor what I was raised with, and it's weird for me. This is why I find comfort in those who aren't members of the church, because I feel at home with them. Not because I'm a "jack Mormon" or anything, but because I'm so used to setting an example and to try and baby step them into the gospel.

I'm still not used to the fact that an entire ward can be made up of a distance of a small block, and you can drive 5 minutes in any direction and you will probably be in a different stake, or temple zone.

What I'm getting at is that I'm used to always feeling like I have a role or a place to fit in, however recently the only place I feel that I fit in is when I'm with Emma or Tyler. Outside of that I just feel like this huge awkward mass walking around.

Then I found this quote:

And then I realized, that I'm not meant to fit in right now. To fit in would be so nice, and so easy. But life is not meant to be easy. If it was, we wouldn't be here. It's meant to test us. So, currently while I'm trying to find my footing, still, even 6 years later, and adjusting to life in Utah, I will learn to fit in by standing out.

To all you girls desperately trying to fit in, or thinking you need friends to survive but have found that you're not succeeding:

it's okay to not fit in.

Find your band of misfits and run with them. You will look back on your "band of misfits" as your best friends. If you can't find a band of misfits: do some self evaluation and work on yourself. Working on yourself and discovering your talents and how amazing you are is something that is priceless.

I am so grateful for all of my friends, older, younger, friends for years, friends for a few months, and friends that are really family. How blessed am I to call so many my friends?


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