Monday, August 31, 2015


Tempest: a violent windstorm, especially one with rain, hail, or snow. The last year I’ve felt like I’ve been living in a consistent tempest. This tempest has made me feel like at times I was drowning. Between our life consistently changing, Going from being the full time bread winner to being with Emma while we get the move sorted out, Tyler starting the Master's program, me figuring out what my next step is after quitting my job, being a Mom, and everything in between, it just seems like I’m hanging onto a life raft and wave after wave keeps hitting me. I tried everything to see why this was happening. Prayer, scripture study, church attendance, consistent temple attendance, serving others, everything. Then during one of the biggest waves, I came across this quote:

Right away I realized -- I have been praying for the wrong thing here! I have been praying for Heavenly Father to change my circumstances, instead of praying for Him to help me through them and to find joy in them. How much better my perspective on this last year had been if I had focused on that instead? Probably a lot better. The Lord will always have a plan for us, an even bigger one than we can possibly imagine. If we just put our faith in Him, He will help us through. Find joy in your journey. Try to look at the positive, even if it is something as simple as, "The sun is shining today!" Looking at the positive will help you realize that life really isn't that bad. Be grateful to your creator for everything you have, and you will make it through. Not only will you make it through, but you will thrive through it and learn what you need to.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Creative Block

I've been gone for a while, and I realize this. I've been putting off writing for a while. I have a ton of ideas to write about, so that hasn't been the issue. The issue is that I got hurt. I was called out for being honest by quite a few people, and that put a creative block in my way. I can say that I didn't expect that, but life goes on.

I can tell you that I am not perfect. Just in case you needed a reminder of how imperfect I am, well... we can talk about a lot of those imperfections later. What I write about is mostly for me, and lessons that I've learned. It's also a way of journaling to write my experiences to keep for my kiddos (because yes, I do c+p these posts into a journal I've been keeping for them). I write the blog for myself. I didn't expect people to actually read this, but I guess it's kind of a thing now, so I'm going to keep at it. Yes there may be times that I will post something that I may not practicing myself. Yeah, I know, kind of hypocritical, but I'm working on it. That's why I'm posting about it, because I've done research on it and I feel a certain way on it, and I'm wanting to put that change in my life. I will keep being honest. I'm not going to apologize for being me, because at this point in my self discovery journey, it would be a step back, which I've taken too many of those for an easy thing like this.

So get used to my honesty... it's here to stay. :) (sorry for the rant, I will get off of it now) 

So I'm back from outer space!  to write some more on life happenings with us, and also my "deep thoughts" (I'll try not to do those too often, unless those are your favorites, or if I have a really enlightening week. haha!)

Right now we are packing up our home of 3 years and moving. We are moving into student housing! It's going to be a change, but a good one. We are excited for Emma to be in a neighborhood with kids her age, and to also be in a neighborhood where we will have people in the same place as us. We've liked this little apartment, and at times I will miss it, especially when I have to lug the groceries all the way to our apartment door from the parking lot instead of just right inside from our car port haha! (Problems of having a great apartment, I know)

I wanted to write to let others know though, that if you're experiencing a creative block of some kind, to do some meditation. Think about why you're blocked, and do some journaling. You might find some things that will surprise you, including how amazing you are. 


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

What's new Wednesday


What's new with us? The last few weeks have been a doozy, so I'm looking forward to a fun weekend, and especially one that will involve family pictures! We always try to do family pictures around Easter, because it falls right around Emma and I's birthday. 
A Pinterest win that I had this week was a DELICIOUS meal. "One Pan Enchilada Pasta" from No. 2 Pencil. Seriously, easiest meal I've made in a while that tasted amazing! Tips that I have: follow the instructions as stated, otherwise it may be a little bit more runny than you will want. The upside to this meal, aside from the fact that it was easy, is that it made enough left overs for me to have for at least 3 more lunches. Can't beat that!

In other news: Tyler got into the Master's program at the U, WAHOO! This means that post grad won't last for long before he starts school again. Of course this meant buying new Utes shirts for us, and picture taking for graduation announcements. 

I sure married a good one didn't I?

This afternoon was spent catching up on household chores that I've been letting slide -- which meant that Emma got to watch movies (read: Incredibles). And of course, what post isn't complete without a picture of Emma? Goodness I love this girl, and she sure does love pictures being taken of her and her sass.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

3 things for March

March. Ides of March? March Madness? You could call March any of those things. I have 2 “deathaverseries” that take place in March. You could say that I would want to hole myself up, have a “dark day” like Luke in Gilmore Girls and not come out until after those days have come and gone. However, that’s not how these people would want me to act. So instead, I’m posting a blog, and I am spending extra time with Emma and Tyler this weekend, just as those who’ve passed on would have wanted me to.

My Dad always told fantastic stories. His stories were like those of Edward Bloom’s in Big Fish. You didn’t know what was truth and what was an exaggeration. I miss them sometimes. However, whenever he gave talks in church, one of his stories wound up in the 3 things that he always talked about. He only ever talked about 3 things in talks. Well in honor of him, this post is on 3 things.

  1. Good
  2. Harry, Ron, and Hermione
  3. Where do you want me to go?

#1: Good: My Dad lived by 2 mantra’s towards the end of his life: “Have I done any good in the world today?” and “I’ll go where you want me to go Lord.” He passed away 4 years ago yesterday. I always think that each year will get easier, and sometimes it does, and sometimes it’s not. My Dad had a love for doing things for other people and serving others. He had a love for doing nothing but seeing the joy that came from doing unexpectedly nice things. He was always kind to everyone he met. He never had a bad word to say to anyone that he just met.

Too many times we get caught up in being the first to anger, and the first to say something rude about someone. My Dad since his passing, has taught me that this isn’t the way to live your life. If you choose to do so, your life will most likely be miserable.

Why not choose to be kind?

Because it’s not easy for most people, that’s why. I will admit, it’s easy to say bad words to someone under your breath, or assume the worst when someone does something rude. I’ve been there, trust me. However, it’s not way to live a life. So as Kid President has said, “Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody!”

#2: Harry, Ron, and Hermione: I am a Harry Potter Nerd, it’s kind of a thing. I was homeschooled all through middle school and when I started reading them, I prayed for friends like those that Harry had. I craved to have those kind of friends that would be there through everything to encourage and have fun with. I found those kind of friends within my first few weeks of moving to Apopka. One of those friends was Rhett Fisher. He mocked my Harry Potter obsession relentlessly. He came over weekly for voice lessons from my Mom, on top of the school choir and ward activities, we spent a bit of time together. When we moved from Apopka and to Tavares, he was one of the first that showed up to help us move and one of the last that left. We didn't see each other very much after that except at the stake activities. However, when my parents told us that they were getting a divorce my senior year, he was the one of the first friends to be there and offer a shoulder to cry on. His heart was genuine, and his testimony astounding. After high school, we didn't stay in touch very much. I actually didn't stay in touch with a lot of my friends that moved out to Provo and were just 30 minutes away. I could make excuses for it, however all I will say is that I just don’t have a good one that justifies being a crummy friend.  A year ago today Rhett passed away unexpectedly (You've heard me mention him before here.)

This shook me. His passing served as several wake up calls for me. One of them being: have I been a good friend to those who helped me through so much? Am I as good of a friend to those around me as Rhett was to me? I have been a crummy friend to many who meant, and still mean so much to me. Since his passing, I have made a conscious effort to reach out to them. I am also trying to work on not holding back expressions of love in friendships and family. **Keyword: WORK.

#3: Where do you want me to go?: The second of Dad’s mantra of “Going where the Lord wants us to” is being open to allowing the Lord to help you go where He needs you to. Right now, this second, I’m sure there’s someone who is needing a call, a text, a Facebook message, or even a hug from you. Are you in a place where you can do that, or would you rather turn on Netflix?

What about that big decision of moving cross country? Are you afraid of doing this because you’re worried you won’t know anyone? If it feels right, but you’re allowing emotions get into it, the Lord has something bigger planned for you. You will meet friends, and you will probably be a positive influence in a lot of lives. I guarantee it. Or, you could choose to stay safe and where you are and not grow and miss out on an adventure.

What about choosing to sit and chat a little longer with a friend because you have an inclination that they just need someone to listen? That right there is going where the Lord wants you to go. Also, yes, being open to serve a mission wherever He wants you to go is a good example of that too :).

If we put ourselves in a spot where we can be that person that can “make everyone feel like a somebody”, then I think we have done something right.

You could say that March is a rough month. However, when I have 2 examples of how to live my life of serving others, being a better friend, and being where the Lord wants me to go, why would that be rough? I have a lot to work on, and even more to be grateful for that the Lord put such men in my life.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Boxing with yourself

The last few years I've struggled with guilt. Guilt about different choices I made when, now knowing the outcome, I believe I should have made a different choice. "Why didn't I do this when I should of done that?" "Why did I go left when I should have gone right?" "Why?" "Why?" "What was I THINKING?!"


I've gotta admit, these thoughts were in my head almost consistently and it was like a virus that had started to eat me alive at times. It felt like each thought was a punch to myself and that my inner self was boxing with itself. I know that without those experiences and those choices I made I wouldn't be who or where I am today. However, I always wondered if my life would be better or the same without the choices I made.

I over think EVERYTHING. For example: instead of thinking about what I think of myself, I view what others think of me, including strangers, over my own opinion of myself.


I would rather have the point of view of myself from someone who does not know me, rather than the point of view I have of myself. Why do I allow this to happen?! Realizing this was like I got a straight hit to my face and gut all at the same time. However, no matter how hard I tried, I still saw myself from the perspective of others and not the amazing person I am!

This year I've made a goal to read the scriptures, at least a little, everyday. In the first 7 days, I was able to shed some of that point of view and start to see me from my point of view. I know that this happened purely because I began to feel the blessings in my life from the daily scripture study. Then came the ultimate change on day 8.

The only opinion on yourself that should matter, outside of your own, is your Heavenly Father's.

I sat there reading my scriptures and this burden was lifted off my shoulders with that thought. It felt like 50 pounds of "you must please everyone" was completely gone. It was something that I physically felt.

It's something we hear a lot in church, that you shouldn't feel like you need to "explain yourself" unless it's to Him. (Do note here that I am not in any way disregarding the place of a bishop or stake president, as their jobs are to help you develop and grow spiritually so you can repent of your sins and continue in your progression.) I don't know why it took so long for this to click though, despite all the Young Women's lessons I listened to on this. The only crowd you need to worry about fitting in with is His.

To keep perspective on this, I would recommend to take daily scripture study seriously, as well as personal prayer. The Lord can hear us, however if we aren't surrounding ourselves with the right things then how can we hear what He's trying to say to us?

Stop boxing with yourself and beating yourself up over small (or big) things that happened a long time ago. Yes you probably made some stupid choices, or choices that make you facepalm whenever you think of it, however, stop.beating.yourself.up! The past happened exactly there, in the past. So leave it there, jump that fence and get on with your life. The time now is a gift which is why it's call the present. Besides if I hadn't have made all those choices that I feel guilty about, or choose to question, I most likely wouldn't have this cute girl to the right, and who would want a life without her? Not me, that's for sure.