Sunday, May 8, 2016

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is a hard day. Hard day for so many. I know it's supposed to be great, Mom's are wonderful beings. I am one. I know the joys, tears, heartache, and crazy roller coaster ride that come with 4 years of raising a child, I can only imagine what the following years hold as we add another kiddo into the mix, and continue to raise our kids.

I wish I could say that every woman gets to experience this joy, but they don't. I don't understand why so many don't. So many wonderful women that I know are going to be wonderful Mother's someday. So many that I know that are so deserving. So many empty arms (whether by the sting of infertility or young children passing away) that deserve to be full of the same joy, tears, heartache, and roller coaster ride I'm on. That makes it a hard day.

I wish I could say that every woman gets the joy of experiencing a Mom who loves them unconditionally. Who is mentally and physically present. I don't know what it's like to physically lose a Mom due to death, but I do know what it's like to "break up" with a Mom due to a mixture of reasons. (For further note on this meaning please see this article.) That makes it a hard day.

These reasons seem not fair. Not fair to those who don't have a "Hallmark card" defined of life. (You know, the kind where you know exactly what kind of card to get for who you actually consider to be your Mom?) I don't know all the reasons why, but I do know that we will know them someday. We will be able to grasp why we've gone through the trials, whether it's through being able to help someone else through theirs, or it's personal growth. Whatever it may be, there is a reason.

Then there's actually being a Mom and still having to be a Mom on Mother's Day. It's like being an adult on your birthday -- you still have responsibilities, still stuff you've gotta deal with, but.... you should be able to take the day off from the "not fun stuff of being a Mom" because it's your day right? Not fun stuff can be defined as: non stop chatting/answering questions to your 4 year old who has to know everything, changing diapers, making bottles, waking up early to get the kids ready and yourself, etc.

So the expectation makes it a hard day, but you should be able to set expectations and want things right? How do you celebrate a hard day with so many expectations? With so many different things going on, so many different women experiencing different stages of their Motherhood, or not being able to experience it?

For years after my Mom disowned me I refused to celebrate Mother's Day in anyway. I called it Not Mother's Day. Then after being married, slightly warmed up to the idea of it, then I had Emma. My reason to not celebrate changed. Emma made me a Mom and she's just as much my reason to celebrate as I am hers. Becoming a Mom and holding Emma changed me. My pregnancy wasn't normal. I didn't have as many people celebrate or be excited about me being pregnant when I announced I was pregnant to them, especially people who I thought were close to me and would be happy for me. Tyler and I also went through several rough trials during that pregnancy that taught us a lot of valuable life lessons. All of these things prepared me in a way I can't describe to know the second I held that 6 pound 1 ounce 21 inches long little girl, that this was exactly where I was and what I was supposed to be doing.

The woman who prepared me for this moment wasn't the woman who birthed me herself, but the woman who let me move in with her and her family when I was 18. She is biologically my cousin. I was scared. I didn't know how to be a teenager -- let alone look at the prospects of being an adult. I was recovering from my parents divorce, and just a total wreck. She took me in and taught me how to be an adult. Helped me get my first real job, taught me the importance of hard work and how to keep said job, walked me through the steps of buying my first car, walked me through getting into college, taught me the importance of finding a good man to marry, taught me the importance of taking care of myself so I make sure I'm around for my future kids mentally and physically. Truly raised me in just a short 18 months before I moved out and married Tyler. She was there to hold me as I cried when my Mom told me she wasn't going to be, and didn't want to be, at my wedding. She and her husband were the first people I called after I found out my Dad had passed away. She was the first person who was excited I was pregnant with Emma. She was there holding my other hand (Tyler of course was there on the other side :) ) for 8 hours of my labor with Emma. She still continues to teach me things that I think I know, but really I don't. Everything I am today, I owe at least half to her. My body and breath I have I owe to my biological Mother -- of which I am forever grateful, but my mental state, the marriage I have, the child(ren) I have, the fact that I know how to run a household, I owe to her. She is so much more than just my cousin.

I could go on about other women who have shaped me, like other cousins, the sisters I have, or even friends I know who are wonderful Mom's and set the example for me as a Mom. However, this would be a novel if I were to do that.

I hope that as we all celebrated Mother's Day today that you can find at least one positive woman to celebrate or honor. Despite everything else you have going on today, whether it's emotions, feelings, or lack thereof, I hope that you got to remember a woman, somewhere, has done something for you in your life. Because women have the power to affect the world, whether we know it or not.